Remember Everything
by velvetcat09
Summary: I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing. Slight Destiel, song-fic


Title: Remember Everything

Warning: Angst? Song-fic, sort of Dean/Castiel, but not really if you don't like it

Summary: I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

Song: Remember Everything – Five Finger Death Punch

Notes: I just love the song, and it fits them like mac 'n cheese. Also due to my lack of sleeping. I don't even know what I'm doing here.

~xXx~

_Oh, dear mother, I love you_

_I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough_

The memories, the scenery, the place, everything. He remembers everything. It was tragic, horrible, terrifying, anything. The way Mary burned up on the ceiling, sprawled with blood soaking her clothes and fire dancing around here, eating her away from life. Dean remembers everything of that. Regretting every moments, everytime he watches the flash of the memories in his mind. And the fact that he couldn't save her was the worst, even after given the second chance he still failed.

_Dear father, forgive me_

_'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up_

Dean is the oldest from two of them, the big one who's supposes to protect the little one. And yet he still failed that single task from John. To protect him, he had let Sam died many times to the point that dying seems nothing to them anymore. He had let his brother be in the Pit with the Devil himself. Let his Sam be tortured, be dead, be through the whole damn thing that both of them don't deserve. Both of them had lost their childhood, lost their parents and as the time goes by, they had lost their humanity. Perhaps not now but slowly and surely.

_In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone_

Sam would say that it's not true. Bobby would say he's an idjit for thinking of that. Mary would smile at him and saying that isn't true at all, that his father loved him. But in the end, he knows that he failed him. He tried, but he failed. The burden on his shoulders, he couldn't hold it. It was first and easy job, protect Sam, that's all. As the time flies and they went around every place in the country, he had let Sam died more and more. He failed miserably at that simple task. Not just that he let Sam died, he left him alone at the time when he's not supposed to leave Sam behind.

_Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me_

_For never standing by you or being by your side_

At first he stood side by side from his siblings, serving his Father proudly like a soldier he is. He serves God as a humble yet loyal servant for he is the Angel of The Lord. Things changed after his Father commanded him to raise the Righteous man from perdition. He was completely lost at that moment, the world he has watched since forever was right in front of him. But it quickly fades away as his attention was caught with Dean Winchester. And because of him, he abandoned his brothers. He chose the other side. He chose freedom over his own family because of him.

_Dear sister, please don't blame me_

_I only did what I thought was truly right_

Castiel could say that what he did was for the best, he didn't mean it as a personal thing but it was what right to do. But truth be told, he is the one to be blamed. He abandoned them, he deserves some part of the blame. He was supposed to serve God's commands and here he stood, betraying and betraying his family everytime. And the day came when he finally loses faith in his family.

_It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone_

Time passed, he killed his own siblings every now and then. He was cast out from Heaven, hunted. His brothers who used to be by his side, now they stands to kill him. At the end he kills everyone. Over the battles in Heaven, he killed one and one of his siblings with his own hands. Be it with the blade or simply snapping his fingers. Castiel has fallen beyond Lucifer. And now he is no longer has any siblings, he stands alone. Even the man that changed him wants him dead.

_If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain_

_'Cause I remember everything_

At first it hurts more than anything in the world. The burden on him was gnawing him inside-out. To watch peoples he cared died in front of him, to have them dying on his hands. No one would want his life, would like to just take a peek of it. It's just like being in Hell; even he had been in there once. The pain of being tortured physically and mentally. He wishes he could not feel a single thing at all. They say ignorance is a bliss, he wants it. He wants to be emotionless. So that he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt, hurt, pain, ache that surround him. The easy-going façade he uses is simply a mask that hides the broken man he actually is.

_If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets_

_'Cause I remember everything_

He had lost everything, had given up everything. He had lost all of them for nothing. What he fights for, every steps he takes, it would only remind him of how far he has fallen. How far he is from his Father now. Would his Father hate him? Or would He takes pity on him for being a stupid little soldier. Was his choices a mistake, or was his choice is God's plan on him. He still be the one who kills everyone. Be the one who rebelled much more than The Morning Star. The past would always follow him, trailing his steps in blood of his family.

_I remember everything_

~xXx~


End file.
